Doom, Destruction and a schizophrenic SIR unit
by redhotchilipepper28
Summary: On hiatus until I fix it.


DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN INVADER ZIM. (More's the pity, 'cause then I'd be Jhonen and I would rock!)

Hello, all! This is my first Invader Zim FanFic, so if it's crap please don't be too mean! I saw IZ for the first time at my cousin's house around April, and all it took was one episode (Halloween Spectacular of Spooky Doom, if you're wondering) to get me shamelessly addicted. I can't remember when I first decided that I was going to write this Fic, but somehow the idea burrowed into my brain like a parasite, and festered there, slowly and incessantly feeding on my brain…goo until it metamorphosed into this FanFic. Descriptive…er…description, no? I wrote most of this when I was meant to be asleep. It's fun having a computer in my bedroom.

This chapter is dedicated to everyone, especially the people who are O/Cs in this.

This Fic is set approximately 3 years after the end of IZ. So Dib would be about 15, Gaz would be about 13, and Zim would be…God only knows. Do I look like I can be bothered with anyone else's ages?

For those of you that hate O/Cs, I apologise unreservedly to you, for this Fic is stuffed full of them. Here is a list of those O/Cs, and who they are based on/created by: Mez-me, BLUR & Fooi-my buddy Sarah, Marina-my buddy Belinda, Kiwi-my buddy Michaela, Avi-my cousin David, and Gluoop & DERP-my other cousin Benjamin (David's lil' bro). I'm sure you're sick of my rambling now, so on with the story…

One more thing: As Mez is based on me; this story is from her POV. That's it. Now read, and (hopefully) enjoy Part 1 of Chapter 1 of 'Doom, Destruction…and a schizophrenic SIR unit'…

&&&&&&&

I drummed my fingers against my knee, utterly bored of waiting. And waiting for what? Another assignment, another 'mission' that would just be the same old story again: land on the planet, blend in with the indigenous life…then take the planet over, ruining countless lives. The guilt never seemed to go away. But you did get used to it. I'd successfully Invaded three planets since the Great Assigning for Operation Impending Doom II, and this was to be my fourth. I was waiting to find out where I was going to be sent this time, but I wasn't looking forward to it in the slightest. So much for Invading planets so that the Irken Empire could rule the Universe, I'd rather my race would just be happy with living on Irk. I can't remember when I started to get fed up with the incessant militarism of the Irken race-especially the Tallest, but it had been a while since I realised I didn't want to be an Invader anymore. Not that any other Irken knew my secret-if they did find out…I didn't know what the punishment would be, but I could take a wild guess and say it would be an incredibly horrible fate to suffer. It wasn't that I hated the entire Irken race-I wasn't like that-but I did hate the militarist, fascist ideals that the Irkens had adopted. I was interrupted from my gloomy daydream by a ditzy-looking Irken receptionist with pale lilac eyes, unfeasibly long eyelashes and unnaturally curly antennae opening the large, ominous door on my left.

"The Almighty Tallest will see you now," she twittered. I stood up and followed her through the door, then she directed me through an even bigger, even more ominous-looking door. I couldn't help noting, with a small feeling of satisfaction, that I was taller than her. Some old habits never go away.

&&&&&&&

On the other side of the bigger door were the Tallest, hovering on a large podium, just to give them that extra air of superiority. I groaned inwardly, wondering what species' lives I would be forced destroy this time.

"Mez! Hi!" they greeted me, spewing Snak crumbs everywhere. Cringing at myself, I closed my eyes and wiggled my antennae, saluting my superiors (although I for one couldn't see how lazing around eating Snaks all day was more important that what the rest of us did).

"OK, well, as you know, we have a new mission for you." They looked at me, obviously awaiting a response.

"Err…my Tallest, I am incredibly honoured to be chosen to go on this mission," I said, making up a suitable reply on the spot.

"Good. Now, this mission is slightly different to the others…but only slightly."

"How?" I asked, genuinely curious in spite of myself, then realised I hadn't addressed them by their title, and quickly added, "My Tallest."

"Well, on this mission, you will be accompanied by another Invader…you know Gluoop, right?" Of course I knew Gluoop. We'd been friends for years, ever since we started our training under Irk.

"Yes, my Tallest. I was training for the…um…mighty Irken military at the same time Gluoop was," I informed them. "Which planet will we be invading, my Tallest?" I asked them, just remembering to give them their title this time.

"It's a planet we weren't sure existed-and if it did, it was worthless to us. We already have an Irken posted there, but technically he's not on an Invading mission. He just thinks he is. You'd think he'd have been happy with a sandwich, but no." Purple told me. I suddenly remembered something that had happened at the Great Assigning, and it filled me with dread. _Please, no_, I pleaded silently, hoping my suspicions wouldn't be confirmed. But a few seconds later, they were.

"We sent Zim there after he uh…gatecrashed the Great Assigning. The planet's called Earth." Red informed me. My heart sank. I thought I'd never have to see Zim again. I hated him. When we were training for the military, I was best friends with both Gluoop and Zim, but, although I stayed friends with Gluoop, I began to hate Zim. Maybe it was something to do with the fact that he had 'accidentally' almost killed me three times.

"When we sent Zim there, we thought Earth was unimportant. Now it's become clear to us that if we want to rule the Universe, we'll have to conquer Earth sometime, and we'll never get that done if Zim's the one trying to take it over. You & Gluoop need to Invade Earth before Zim messes it all up." Red continued, giving me a more detailed mission briefing.

"Yes, my Tallest," I said, wondering what I was getting myself into.

"OK, well, we heard that the engineers had finished improving BLUR, so go get her, find Gluoop, and go. Gluoop's already been informed of the mission." Purple said, pointing to another door, which was marginally less ominous-looking than the other two I had been through in the past few minutes. I went through it, and once I had found my bearings I headed off to pick up BLUR. BLUR had been my SIR unit for my other three missions, and we'd developed a relationship that was incredibly rare between an Irken and their SIR-we were actually friends. BLUR was different to the other SIR units, not only in appearance (her eyes were bright green instead of the usual SIR unit red) but in personality-she did get the job done, but she was somewhat happy-go-lucky, and she often made me laugh with the mad things she said on a daily basis. Well, that was when we were on missions. The second I reported back to the Massive after my last assignment, engineers took BLUR away, to 'advance her skill as a SIR unit'. I didn't know what they were going to do to her, but had the feeling that the BLUR I knew was gone, and I doubted she'd ever be back. I found myself in the Experimental SIR unit Workshop quicker than I'd thought possible, then I just stood there, wondering which engineer I should ask about BLUR. Fortunately, one of them saw me.

"Ah, Mez!" he exclaimed, saluting me. "If you'll follow me, we have BLUR right here," he said gesturing to a far corner of the vast workshop, and setting off towards it, with me walking quickly behind him. I was anxious to see my robotic friend again. Finally, we got to where BLUR was being kept. A SIR unit jumped off the table. She looked exactly like BLUR, only her eyes were jet black instead of green. 'WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY PRECIOUS BLUR?' I felt like yelling at the engineer. But I didn't.

"And this is the new, improved BLUR!" the engineer informed me.

"No it's not…" I heard BLUR mutter in a small voice. Nobody else seemed to hear it though.

"What…what did you do? To improve her, I mean." I asked the engineer, who was obviously very proud of himself for 'improving' BLUR.

"Well, we gave her another brain…wait…no, we didn't…we split her brain in two and then…added more brainy stuff…" the engineer explained, not very well. "So she's smarter now, and if one brain malfunctions, you always have a backup!" he continued brightly.

"O…K…" I began. "Well…thank you so much for improving my SIR; I'll be able to conquer planets so much better now!" I said, hoping I didn't sound too sarcastic. No…I sounded more like a bad actor in an advertisement. Oh well. The engineer was grinning like a loon. My terrible acting obviously didn't put him down-either that or he didn't notice it.

"Right…well, I'll go then…do you know where Invader Gluoop is?" I asked the engineer. He shrugged. _Helpful…_I thought to myself as I set off to try and find him in the expanse of the Massive.

&&&&&&&

An hour later, I had found Gluoop and his red-eyed SIR unit DERP, and we were setting off in our ships (Gluoop flew a Spittle Runner, I flew a Shuvver). I entered mine, BLUR close behind me, and jumped as I saw the Irken propaganda plastered all over the walls. _So that's what they did when they took my ship away to 'revamp' it…_ I thought sullenly. The new décor was probably meant to make me brim with patriotic gunk, but it just made me feel ill. I sat down in the only seat and turned around to face BLUR.

"BLUR, do you know what's going on with you? Why are your eyes all…not green?" I asked her.

"For a start, it's not BLUR, it's Fooi." My mouth fell open. Fooi? "And yes, BLUR is still a part of my personality, but she's in the other brain. My personality was split in two when my brain was, and then there was some more personality added with the new parts of my brain, so you'll find that both BLUR and I will be displaying personality traits that we have not done previously. We have both kept our memories, so I remember everything from our other missions, and they haven't brainwashed me either. Plus, I'll still call you Mez." Fooi explained, in the same matter-of-fact way that BLUR used to. Fooi-well, BLUR-was one of the only people who knew about my secret. And as soon as we began our first mission, I refused to let her call me 'master' or anything else apart from my name. I don't believe that the SIRs should be treated as Irken slaves-actually, I don't believe that anything should be treated as an Irken slave. I noticed that Fooi was looking at me, obviously wanting me to say something.

"Erm…OK." I said lamely. I couldn't really think of anything else to say, but then I realised that there was a question I could ask her. "So…do you have any idea of what BLUR-the new BLUR, I mean-is like?"

"Well, you'll be finding out in approximately ten seconds." Fooi told me. "The brains kind of switch back and forth, so only one brain controls me at any one time." she explained, then made a strange electronic buzzing noise, like she was being electrocuted. Her eyes turned a sort of periwinkle lilac-y colour…and then…she started giggling like…some random insane thing. She grabbed my face in her hands and continued giggling.

"BLUR?" I said, wondering if Fooi was just messing around. But she nodded.

"I bid you…hello." she said in a monotone voice, letting go of my face and raising one hand as though she was about to start waving, then she giggled again and started dancing around my Shuvver.

"Um…are you always this insane?" I asked her. She didn't hear me-she was too busy head banging. _I'll take that as a yes_, I thought, watching as she began jumping up and down. I sighed and spun around in my seat to face the windshield, and saw my reflection looking back at me. A too-pale, lanky Irken female, with dark eyelashes, dark purple eyes and spiked antennae, I wasn't exactly one of the majority. My pale green skin made me look permanently ill, and I was one of the few Irken females not to have curled antennae. My video transmission screen buzzed into life. Gluoop was on the other end.

"You ready?" he asked simply. I nodded.

"Yeah…but BLUR's a bit…crazy." I told him. He looked puzzled (and who wouldn't?) "I'll explain when we get to Earth. It'll be easier than telling you now, trust me." I told him, then said goodbye and ended the transmission. I started up the Shuvver…but out of the corner of my eye, I noticed something that wasn't meant to be there. I didn't even know what it was.

"Avi? Stop being an idiot." I said to the thing, whatever it was. Avi was a Meekrob who, like me, hated the customs of his species, but unlike me, his government knew about this, so he was treated as an outcast and exiled. I met him after all this happened, and I told him my secret after I convinced him I wasn't going to kill him, and vice versa. After all, he wasn't exactly going to tell the Tallest or any other Irken about my secret. He hated them as much as I did, possibly more. The thing floated up and turned into a SIR unit, then started mimicking BLUR, who was still jumping around behind my seat.

"Ha, ha, very funny." I said sarcastically to Avi as he looked at me and transformed again, this time into some alien creature. (A/N: Like those crystal-ish aliens in 'Hobo 13' and 'The Frycook What Came From All That Space' Avi's crystal person form is blue. And glowy, obviously. This is the form Avi takes most often, aside from his Meekrob form.)

"Hi." he said simply as I looked unimpressed.

"You know, that just gets more and more annoying every time you do it." I told him.

"That's exactly _why_ I do it, just so I can piss you off." Avi grinned. I glared at him and spun around in my seat once more, pressing buttons on the dashboard of the Cruiser. Within a few minutes we had left the Massive far behind, Gluoop just ahead of us. I went off into a daydream, putting the Shuvver on autopilot. From where the Massive was in relation to the rest of the universe, the journey to Earth was going to take less than half as long as it would from Conventia, but even so, almost three months of unceasing boredom was going to be too much to bear.

&&&&&&&

Avi screamed, running in circles behind me, his head on fire.

"OW OW OW OWWW! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUUUT!" he yelled at me. I simply looked at him.

"Put what out?" I asked innocently, pretending not to know what he meant. Avi gestured at his flaming head.

"The fire that is burning my head into oblivion? Do you think you could manage to put that out, perhaps?" Even in a 'dilemma', Avi still managed to be a sarcastic little…thingy. BLUR giggled.

"Your head's on fire!" she said happily, clapping her hands together.

"It's not funny!" Avi yelled angrily, while frantically beating at the dancing flames. "I hope you're happy!" he said, glaring at BLUR, who simply looked innocent.

"Me? Why would I be happy? I didn't set your head on fire!" BLUR said, vigorously shaking her head and hiding a flamethrower behind her back. Avi continued to bat at the fire, and successfully managed to put it out. He sat down sullenly, the top of his head smoking. I laughed, and Avi gave me the evil eye.

"What? You've got to admit, it was pretty funny." Avi remained unconvinced.

"It was _not_ funny, you're just mean." With that, he turned away, his back now facing both me and BLUR.

"Hmm…looks like he's going to be immature and blank us now. Ah well, if he's not going to talk to us it's his loss!" I said to BLUR, turning back to the controls of the Shuvver. Just two and a half months had passed since we had set off, and I had already lost the will to live. I didn't even want to go to Earth-not when Zim was there. I had talked to Gluoop about this, but he couldn't seem to understand why I was less than eager to get to Earth. 'You were friends once,' was all he had to say, which I didn't exactly find helpful. Talking to BLUR about it was pointless, as she didn't seem to have the ability to take things seriously anymore. I had told Fooi, but she didn't have that much to say on the matter. 'I'm sure he regrets all the attempted murder,' was all she said, although I didn't think what she said was true. Getting Avi's opinion on the matter was utterly pointless, as he hated Zim too-but just because he was Irken. _Why does nobody I talk to on a regular basis give good advice?_ I thought to myself, closing my eyes and leaning back in my seat. I slowly became aware of a red light flashing on and off. My eyes snapped open again and I looked at the dashboard, seeing if I could find any clues as to what was wrong. 'Unknown vessel approaching' read the flashing red sign. I looked out of the windscreen into what, as far as I could see, was empty space, with a few far-off planets dotted about here and there. Then something caught my eye. An escape pod of some sort, flying with incredible speed towards us. The pod was coloured in various shades of silver and blue, and appeared to be made out of a metal I had never seen before. It had strange fin-like things protruding from its sides, which were flapping to make the ship travel faster. I activated my transmitter, contacting Gluoop.

"Do you have any idea what that thing is?" I asked him.

"No, but avoid it."

"But it's an escape pod! Whoever's in it must be in trouble!"

"It's not our problem. They could be from an enemy planet. Whoever they are, they're not Irken." I was fuming with anger.

"So? They might be able to help us! I'm contacting the people in that pod; I don't care what you say." With that, I cut him off. Then I noticed an incoming transmission. _It must be from the other ship_, I thought to myself as I accepted the transmission. Static filled the screen for a few seconds, but then it cleared to reveal a frightened-looking female alien, sitting on her own in the escape pod. Her skin was slivery-blue, and she had scales which shone gold when they caught the light. Her blue-lilac hair was twisted into a bun, and in it she wore an intricate blue and silver tiara. Her terrified eyes were a deep shade of ocean blue, and I noticed fin-like wings sprouting from her shoulder blades. She had gills on her neck and she wore a blue dress made of a material that wasn't familiar to me. She held up her webbed hands in a gesture of peace. I did likewise.

"What planet are you from?" I asked her.

"Paysra," she said. _Paysra?_ I thought. I hadn't heard of that one before. "My planet was…captured…by-by the Planet Jackers. I managed to escape, but I was the only one." She stammered with fear and remorse as she spoke. I nodded in sympathy. "My escape pod is running out of fuel, and there are no planets near here. May I please accompany you on your journey?" From what I had seen, I was pretty sure she wasn't going to open fire on us and send us careering to our doom in empty space, so I nodded, and opened a hatch that she could connect her ship to. A few moments later, she was standing in my Shuvver. She clasped her hands together and bowed. She was just under a head taller than me. BLUR giggled, while Avi raised his eyebrows.

"Who's this, then?" Avi asked me. I noted his awestruck expression.

"I don't know. And don't go getting any ideas." The Paysran woman blushed, but in more of an embarrassed way than in a flattered one.

"My name is Lady Marina…Ochre. I do apologise for not introducing myself sooner." So that was why she'd been embarrassed. I doubt she'd even noticed Avi's attention. I saluted her in greeting.

"I'm Mez, and this is Avi. Over there is BLUR," I said, indicating the respective people as I said their names. Lady Marina greeted both Avi and BLUR, and turned back to me again.

"I'm sorry, but I forgot to ask you-what _is_ your mission?" she asked me. I almost didn't want to answer. As you can probably tell, Irkens were pretty much hated by the entire Universe. It didn't seem as though Lady Marina had realised that I was an Invader, but she soon would.

"We're gonna take over Earth! YAY!" BLUR said, giving me the task of explaining whether I wanted to or not.

"Erm…yeah, that. I'm meant to be Invading Earth." I caught sight of Marina's expression and hurriedly tried to explain more. "I'm an Irken Invader. OK, there's my death sentence sealed. But…but if you don't kill me, I could drop you off at a safe planet somewhere on the way, I mean, you don't _have_ to kill me!" Lady Marina gave me a confused look, but I didn't notice. I was too busy panicking.

"Irken Invader?" she said. "I've never heard of Irken Invaders. In fact, I've never heard of Irkens." Her words made me stop hyperventilating.

"You…you've never heard of Irk? Oh, thank god." I calmed down at that point. "You see, Irkens are generally regarded with utter hatred by the rest of the Universe. So, obviously, when you're an Irken, you can't help being a bit…panicky at times." I explained. Lady Marina nodded.

"I'm sorry if this seems rude…but isn't it a bit cramped in here? I mean, with the robot, and the insane man who appears to be daydreaming and drooling, there's not much room." I kicked Avi, and he wiped the drool from around his mouth. I then pressed a button on the dashboard and another seat slid up from the floor. I gestured for Lady Marina to sit down.

"How come I don't get a chair?" Avi said, disgruntled.

"You don't get a chair because you're annoying and you stowed away. I'm surprised the mechanics didn't find you when they attacked my ship with propaganda."

"Hmpf." Avi said noncommittally. I turned away from him and back to the Shuvver's controls.

"So…er…Lady, how did you escape your planet? You don't have to tell me if you don't feel comfortable with it." Lady Marina stared down at her hands, and seemed to find her resolve.

"Please, call me Marina. Paysra…Paysra was betrayed by a Lord, one of the King's closest advisors. This Lord was in contact with the Planet Jackers. He directed them to us. The earthquakes…they caused so much destruction. The parts of my planet that were not covered by oceans were consumed by fire. Many Pasrians were killed before we were even close to the Planet Jackers' sun. I was on land at the time…it was horrible to see. So many families, ripped apart because of one Lord's insane ideas. My lover, Kai, was also on land. We were separated by a falling tree. The flames were too high for me to see where he went. I – I couldn't find him again. But I found this"-she held up an intricate silver and blue pendant-"in the ashes. It belonged to Kai." Marina collapsed into tears. I comforted her as best I could, not being well versed in that sort of thing.

"Erm…would you like a hug?" I said awkwardly, holding out my arms to Marina, who gratefully accepted the lame condolence.

"I knew there would be no point trying to look for him," Marina continued, still hugging me. "So I went to the escape shuttle bay, and found the only one that wasn't reduced to ashes. I had been flying for a few days when I saw your ship." Everyone in the cabin was silent, even Marina, who was still crying, but somehow doing it without making a sound. I kept hugging her, feeling more and more uncomfortable every second.

&&&&&&&

"Why the hell did you let her on board? You disobeyed a direct order!" Gluoop yelled.

"Since when were you my superior? Unless you've grown a substantial amount in the last couple of months, I'm still taller than you! _I'm_ the one meant to be giving _you_ orders, not the other way around! Marina will help us in our mission! The more people we have Invading, the quicker Earth will be Invaded! And Marina hasn't even _heard_ of the Irken Empire! Zim's more likely to destroy us than she is!" I retorted, feeling incredibly pissed off. Gluoop turned his face away from the transmission screen, trying to cover his embarrassment at giving a superior an order. I cut him off, leaving him to wallow in his shame. We were nearing Earth now, and we would be landing in less than fifteen minutes. Marina tapped me on the shoulder.

"Er…Mez, is BLUR meant to be messing about with all that electrical equipment?" She asked anxiously.

"Oh, damn! Fly the ship, Marina, I have to see what BLUR's up to," I said, diving across the Shuvver to where BLUR was sitting in a corner.

"BLUR, what are you doing?" I asked. BLUR didn't reply, obviously immersed in destroying the ship.

"Hmmm…something needs to be plugged in here…I know! This chunk of metal!" she said, poking a relatively large piece of shrapnel-ish stuff into a socket in front of her.

"No! BLUR, that's the time-space continuum reactor!" I said, a second too late. A wave of bright pink light shot out of the reactor, blinding us for a few seconds. When I regained my sight, I saw there was someone else standing in the cabin. She was shorter then me, with lilac skin, aqua green eyes and long, bright pink hair. She wore a futuristic-looking white dress, white gloves and matching boots. She pulled out a laser gun, but I was equal to that. I had my own gun out before you could say 'doom'.

"Who are you?" she asked authoritatively, gesturing at me with her gun.

"Excuse me? You're the one who turned up in my ship out of nowhere! You should be telling me who you are!" I yelled, still pissed off from my conversation with Gluoop, and taking it out on this newcomer for lack of another outlet.

"Fine. My name is Kiwi Madeira, I'm from the planet Vex, and you've just saved my life."

"OK. I'm Invader Mez, the robot's BLUR, the woman with scales is Marina, and the glowing thing is Avi. Where's Vex? And why have I saved your life?"

"You haven't heard of Vex?" Kiwi said in disbelief. "The Vexen Empire is the largest and greatest in the Universe! How can you not have heard of it?"

"I'm afraid you're mistaken. The largest and greatest Empire in the Universe is the Irken Empire. See?" I said, gesturing towards a poster proclaiming 'THE IRKEN EMPIRE : the largest and greatest in the universe'. Kiwi opened her mouth again, but I interrupted.

"This could go on for a while. Why don't we sort this out at a later date, and for now you tell me why I saved your life."

"I was sent on a suicide mission. It was my fault, but I still don't want to die. I was in my ship when this pink light blinded me. When I could see again, I was here."

"Ah, that would be BLUR messing about with the time-space continuum. Sorry about that." I was distracted at that point by BLUR, about to unplug the ship's entire steering system.

"BLUR, don't unplug that…oh, no." The Shuvver lurched to the side and was pulled with alarming speed towards Earth. I screamed. BLUR screamed. In fact, everyone screamed and proceeded to grab onto the nearest stable objects to keep themselves from catapulting through the windshield. Amazingly, as we careered towards the ground, I realised we were going to land roughly where we were supposed to. And we did so, a few minutes of screaming later, crashing quite glamorously into the ground in the middle of a wood.

&&&&&&&

That's it. For the first part, anyway. The second bit of chapter 1 will be put up shortly. This chapter was originally about 11 pages, so I shortened it to save all your brains. Part 2 actually involves Zim (gasp), so you can be partially saved from the rabid flaming O/C-ness. I don't have much to say here. I know the whole unpatriotic Irken idea is a bit unlikely, but bear with me. All will be explained, just have patience…

Just to clarify: MEZ IS FALLING IN LOVE WITH NO-ONE. NO-ONE AT ALL. MEZ DOESN'T DO THAT. THERE WILL BE NO ROMANCE INVOLVING MEZ. Okay?


End file.
